*public* Sexism Rant

public Sexism Rant

This week a friend of mine complained about harassment whilst out jogging. The sexism of the responses absolutely took my breath away, and has inspired this massive rant.

If you see a woman who is attractive in the street, what's your reaction? What about if she's not wearing very much, because it's hot, or she's exercising?

If your reaction is anything other than "politely smile, look away, and carry on your business as usual", I can tell you that she's had that reaction a thousand times. And she thinks you're a dick.

There, I said it. I said the unacceptable. That men, behaving like 'men', are dicks.

If your behaviour is dictated by lads' mags, the Sun, and the Men and Motors channel, you're a dick.

I've seen the reactions. "Oh, worry the day that it stops." Let me tell you, I live for the day that it stops. I'm 40 and don't rate my looks that highly. Since I was 14, every single damn day I have to put up with this stuff. Men staring, men touching me, men surrounding me so I can't get away when they talk rubbish at me, men making inappropriate comments to me. The day it stops, I'm cracking open the champagne, because either the entire male populace got enlightened overnight, or I'm too old for a bout of binge drinking to damage my brain enough to care about. It was old by the time I was 15, and now? Now, I just want it to stop.

"Well, if you don't like being stared at, don't go out". Did you even read that statement back before you hit 'post'? Seriously? Last time I looked, it was 2010, and women had jobs and responsibilities. Last time I looked, most of us have to go out in the street numerous times a day for numerous reasons. In a country which is opposing open wearing of the burqa, don't you think that's a bit, well, STUPID?

"What can you expect?". I'll tell you what I expect. I expect to be treated with dignity and respect. I expect people to have some manners. I expect to be able to go about my everyday business without having to worry which particular idiot is going to make a twit of himself today. I'm telling you, after 25+ years, there isn't even much amusement to be derived from it any more.

So, how about we pretend that we're in the 21st Century, and try out this 'treating women decently' lark?

I fully expect all the sexist trolls to crawl out of the woodwork and post on this. So comments are screened. If you haven't something constructive to say, then I think you're a dick, too.

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Thank you so much for this.

My favourite is when, if you retaliate angrily at being reduced to bodyparts in a public street, their reaction is to be actually really horrible. Suddenly, you're the asshole for daring to deny them what they want.

Ugh.

Male entitlement. "I am a man, therefore I can do what I want"

I don't retaliate angrily any more, I ask them politely what they hope to achieve. And when they're aggressive, I'm aggressive right back.

At that point, my favourite thing to say to them is "You're just assuming I'm genetically female"...

They're not entitled to anything. Neither are women; it isn't our right to shout abuse at men in the street either. Can you imagine the reaction if women started behaving the way these men do? Actually, you don't have to imagine. Look at the self-righteous indignation over 'ladettes'.

My favourite is when they realise that I'm actually male! The indignation! The confusion! The aggression! Oh no, transsexuals! D:

Have you checked out HollaBack and its associates? It's relevant and amazing.

I will join you in the champange drinking if it ever stops, I wish it would like you I have had put up with inapprprate comments and touching since I was quite young

Exactly. Puberty is the benchmark - that's when it starts. You stop being a little kid and become a piece of meat. It's repugnant and disgusting.

But we'll never see it. Because we live in a society which empowers men to behave like utter dicks, idolises them for reprehensible behaviour, and punishes women who dare to speak out against it.

*applause*

You know, I agree with everything you say, the men who behave that way are total dicks. But, (and
I'm be absolutely honest here at the risk of dropping my corner of the feminist banner) now that I'm pushing 40, have put on more weight than I'd like and am not dressing up as much as I did, the attention has diminished greatly (and also aged) and I miss it. I feel terrible for admitting to this, but I feel like I've lost power and I don't like that one bit.
So make what you will of that dollop of self-contradiction.

I'm 40, and I'm not some stunning supermodel. And it still goes on. Today's episode, the inappropriate male attention was from a man who must be 10 years younger than me...

The silence when it stops will be the sweetest sound in the world to me.

Some of my experiences with it are downright scary though; I don't mind some of it (older gents complimenting you is usually done in an impeccably polite manner) but the wolf-whistling "get yer tits oot darlin" brigade will be first against the wall when I rule the world :D

I think it's legitimate to think of it as a loss of your power over them, but I view the current situation more as them attempting to exercise their power over me - they think they're entitled to pass comment/ judgement on me, and I resent that.

It's not something I've ever done.
Apparently, some of us were brought up to treat other people as people first, last and always.
Seems like bringing up kids properly is too hard these days. This sort of attitude needs stopping *in the cradle*.
Have I ever told you *I* get abuse in the street as well? Not in my village, cos nearly everyone knows me, and those that don't, know Bev, but when I go to town, it's not a constant barrage, but unpleasant enough.
Of course, I'm not comparing this to what other people go through, and especially not women.
Also, given the environment I socialise in, I have to say I have no problem with any sort of transgender, but you probably knew that already. ;)

I'd never belittle your negative experiences. You can join the growing list of men who are telling me they've suffered it, too.

HEAR HEAR!
I am SICK to the back teeth of guys whisltling/shouting/etc in the street at me, very unamussed at the latest collection of creepers that SPAT at me when I didn't say anything back.
EWWW!
Also not ammused by the ammount of creepers that suddenly appear LIKE PIRHANNAS in Legends when Kev goes off to DJ. It annoys me because it's creepy and it annoys me because I hate feeling like I have to be "protected" (The only way to get them to go away is to go hang around with Sian's husband).
GAH!

I hate that feeling of having to be protected, too. It just re-inforces the notion that women are some man's property, it doesn't actually change any attitudes.

I am beginning to wonder if the men who encircle us in nightclubs realise how intimidating it is to us.

The men who do this kind of thing in the street should be locked up, plain and simple, under Section 5 of the Public Order Act (Harassment, Distress and Alarm). I think that adequately covers how their behaviour makes others feel.

Reuardless of them realising or not they should still go away and stop touching the first time you say "Please don't touch me go away." Rather than after you drop the please, it turns into "DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!" *SLAP* and a guy friend having to swoop in and rescue you before you get kicked out for slapping someone.

I think I need to have a good old look and Section 5.

It's wierd, I normally get really wound up when I read most feminist rants about women in day to day life, but I have to admit there really is truth in this one.

I read an article in a fashion mag one of my clients abandoned at my house last week called 'Saturday night sexism', and again, expected to be riled at it's man-hatingness. But instead, by the time I'd finished with it, I felt hurt, angry, violated and vulnerable about the whole going out on the town experience.

When I go out drinking or clubbing, I barely even notice the hoard of smut talking, arse grabbing, trying to hump me while I'm dancing sh*t excuses for mankind around me. Why? Because it happens tens of times every single time I or most other lasses go out. The article blew my mind a bit. A few years ago, some pervert grabbed me between the legs on my way up the steps near Trillians, so I sent the bouncers chasing after him and filed a police report, feeling genuinely lucky to have gotten away, but how many of us would report something similar as per the 'usual' gropefest of a club dancefloor? And lets be honest, how many club bouncers would do anything beyond raising an eyebrow and telling you to get over it? I'd never even looked at it that way before. Made me very angry indeed.

This is why I think myself lucky to be predominantly into the rock scene. (More the clubs and quieter bar nights, anyway) They are the best behaved bunch by a really really really long shot. I'll not take for granted being able to walk and dance freely and completely untouched bar only the occasional hands on idiot ever again.

*steps down from soap box*

Wierd - I just read the other replies to this post and saw this subject has already been raised!

The thing is, I don't hate men. I quite like men; a lot of my friends are male. I sympathise a lot with how society treats men, too - societal expectations of men can be ridiculous. I've been told by a number of men that they've suffered the same kind of thing from women, and they dislike it just as much as most women seem to. I'd never belittle their experiences. It also seems to give them an awareness of just how vulnerable it makes women feel, which is a good outcome for a negative experience.

I don't consider the rock scene to be particularly well-behaved. I've been manhandled, pestered and verbally abused in rock clubs just as much as anywhere else. Maybe that's just my experience, though.

Congratulations on a well written sexist rant! I may join in the champagne drinking. It's getting to the point where I wear my coat and a hat to go to places in the summer because I don't wish to have men shouting stuff at me in the street.
There was this one time a man dropped a pen in a shop on purpose, he went to pick it up and then I kicked him in the face when he looked up my skirt =D

(BTW, I noticed you were a friend of a friend on Sew_loli, which is why I'm here, I hope you don't mind!)

I don't mind at all :)

Well done for sticking up for yourself, the more of these creeps who realise it's not acceptable, the better!

Why thank you (=

I almost want to make/join a protest group about it all, but we'd just be the next lot of bra burners =/

http://community.livejournal.com/wtf_sexism/profile

Or the Hollaback project that someone has kindly linked above. :)

Activism has come into the 21st Century, with blogging, camera phones, and even YouTube playing a part in speaking out against public harassment (there was a viral video just a couple of weeks ago, where a women confronted a man who had harassed her on a subway train). I'm in Hollaback and OBJECT (which campaigns against the objectification of women in the media) and a couple of other groups, it's definitely worth signing up to things you feel passionately about :)

Thank you for the links, I will certainly take the time to read through them (=

The issues with these groups is that I haven't heard of them. Who am I? I'm a typical young lady in the modern world, who knows and speaks her mind. I am their target audience and they're not reaching them. As bad as this may sounds I was part of the PETA street team (I know, gross) at the age of 12, they reached me through advertisement in my favourite magazine, this is what these groups also need to be doing. They need to write a solid manifesto and make sure every woman has read it. They need to be campaigning for "sexism lessons" in schools and holding campaigns. As they are they seem to just be a bunch of girls winging about some guy being a dick. It isn't any help to me or anyone approaching them for information =/

Part of the problem is reaching the 'next generation' as feminism has become a dirty word :/

PETA has spent a lot of money on their campaigns and unfortunately a lot of the organisations campaigning for women's right just don't have that kind of money.

There is a lot of opposition to introducing discourse on feminism in schools. A lot of it centres around people devaluing the female experience of life :/

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